Kinds of Rich I’d Be

McSweeney’s posted this article a few days ago called “Kinds of Rich I’d Like My Future Family to Be” and it was real good. So good I got inspired and thought I would tell y’all the kinds of rich I’d like to be.

Here it is:

I want to be “we’re taking a moderately priced vacation once a year” rich

I want to be “we have matching glass Tupperware” rich

I want to be “let me fill up my gas real quick” rich

I want to be “I get my hair done at this one salon by this one hairstylist” rich

I want to be “buy a latté every morning” rich

I want to be “my mid-sized car is about five years old” rich

I want to be “I bought this new book, unused, hardcover” rich

I want to be “Amazon prime” rich

I want to be “I buy pods of Tide detergent” rich

I want to be “I’m thinking about going back to school for an MA in Art History” rich

I want to be “My Roth IRA is small but exists” rich

I want to be “We got this trip with frequent flyer miles” rich

I want to be “Make sure to unlock the backyard gate for the guy to come mow our yard” rich

I want to be “We’re celebrating paying off our mortgage!” rich

I want to be “I don’t shop at TJ Maxx” rich

I want to be “organic, cage-free eggs” rich

I want to be “check the leak in the basement” rich

I want to be “city and county property tax” rich

I want to be “I need to pick my dress up from the dry cleaners” rich

I want to be “My bills are on auto-draft” rich

I want to be “I’m staying home to nurse the baby for a year” rich

I want to be “I made my brother’s bail” rich

But most of all, I want to be “I’ll have a fourth side dish with my meat n’ three, please” rich

 

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Been talking poverty all day so that was on my mind. Note: some of those are highly exaggerated but I been there before. Have a good rest of your week and email me to bitch or give me an idea at snakeandtree@gmail.com